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Stewart Survives the 7th
Ethan Hamill |
It was a seventh inning that would have made
Abner Doubleday cry. But Stewart was made
of sterner stuff. The trouble, to begin with, was
not of his making. The singer scheduled to
deliver God Bless America, a veteran
of two wars, was felled by a foul-ball liner in
the top of the inning. A bad harbinger. The
replacement warbler, a decorated chef, failed
miserably in his falsetto rendition. Now it was
up to Stewart with cameras whirring in the
centerfield bleachers to atone in his proposal
to his girlfriend Wendy. He handed her the
Crackerjack box. Wendy opened it, dug in
and retrieved a plastic ring endowed with the
head of a clown with a bulbous nose. In his
nervousness, Stewart had not been watching.
The 40, 214 who were watching saw a first:
the would-be bride stormed off, leaving Stewart
to begin fishing inside the Crackerjack box in
panicked search of the real engagement ring.
But things got worse. Stewart committed the
cardinal sin of baseball by saying on-camera
and on-microphone: "Well, at least our starter
has a no-hitter going." A loud moan gasped forth
from the 40,214 at this grave faux pas and an even
louder crack resounded from the lead-off batter
in the top of the eighth. The ball landed two
rows in front of Stewart and ignited a six-run
rally, dooming the hometown favorites to
a 6 to 3 loss.
Thank goodness for make-up doubleheaders.
The home team rebounded with a convincing
8 to 3 victory, Stewart found the real ring, a
gold band with a beautiful rock, and got three
proposals for matrimony on the spot, all of
which he was seriously considering.
Abner Doubleday cry. But Stewart was made
of sterner stuff. The trouble, to begin with, was
not of his making. The singer scheduled to
deliver God Bless America, a veteran
of two wars, was felled by a foul-ball liner in
the top of the inning. A bad harbinger. The
replacement warbler, a decorated chef, failed
miserably in his falsetto rendition. Now it was
up to Stewart with cameras whirring in the
centerfield bleachers to atone in his proposal
to his girlfriend Wendy. He handed her the
Crackerjack box. Wendy opened it, dug in
and retrieved a plastic ring endowed with the
head of a clown with a bulbous nose. In his
nervousness, Stewart had not been watching.
The 40, 214 who were watching saw a first:
the would-be bride stormed off, leaving Stewart
to begin fishing inside the Crackerjack box in
panicked search of the real engagement ring.
But things got worse. Stewart committed the
cardinal sin of baseball by saying on-camera
and on-microphone: "Well, at least our starter
has a no-hitter going." A loud moan gasped forth
from the 40,214 at this grave faux pas and an even
louder crack resounded from the lead-off batter
in the top of the eighth. The ball landed two
rows in front of Stewart and ignited a six-run
rally, dooming the hometown favorites to
a 6 to 3 loss.
Thank goodness for make-up doubleheaders.
The home team rebounded with a convincing
8 to 3 victory, Stewart found the real ring, a
gold band with a beautiful rock, and got three
proposals for matrimony on the spot, all of
which he was seriously considering.